Here's to you, a song for my daddy-o

I keep starting this and starting this and starting this.  Not sure if i should lump it in with another post, or how i feel about even doing another post.  Like it somehow means that everything is back to "normal" even though nothing is.  Perhaps that's how i'll start this....Nothing will be normal in my world now that my father has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

For the last month, that's all my stepmom, brother, dad and myself have been occupied with.  It's a very confusing thing, cancer is.  Where it is, where it's spread to, what one doctor says, what another doctor says (or doesn't!)  Appointments, waiting, results of tests.  Chemo, side effects, hemoglobin.  Every time i get the urge to blog-allowing my mind to focus on another topic-i get a call that sends my mood plummeting. I know it needs to be addressed, but i just can not handle a phone call from my dad talking about burial plots and what jewelry he wants to give me.  How can i talk about thrifting after that?  I can't. I can't talk at all. {EDIT-Right after i originally composed this post, my father went to the hospital and stayed for 4 days. Talk about a mood crashing call.}

What we were told about pancreatic cancer is that it doesn't go away, so there is no surgery and there is no cure.  My stepmom explained it along the lines of diabetes; it will always be there, he will always have it.  It just needs to be monitored and maintained.  As of his third chemo session, his team said that the mass has actually shrunk a little, which i know boosted my dad's mood and put him in a positive space despite the fevers and chills and nausea.  He was also told that as long as he feels ok and his bloodwork is good, they can go on their Aruba vacation...and speaking of vacation, you know i just got back from mine.  It had been the least anticipated vacation ever, with all this going on, but it actually made it even more like an escape. I promise there will be pictures.  Probably more than you'd like to see.

I really can't thank you enough, my friends, for your comments and emails of support.  Often times they really were the brightest part of my days and i truly appreciate them.  I'm feeling better, in a good space for now, and i hope to be back to regular blogging.  Thanks for hanging in there with me.