Friday, April 29, 2011

Here's to you, a song for my daddy-o

I keep starting this and starting this and starting this.  Not sure if i should lump it in with another post, or how i feel about even doing another post.  Like it somehow means that everything is back to "normal" even though nothing is.  Perhaps that's how i'll start this....Nothing will be normal in my world now that my father has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.


For the last month, that's all my stepmom, brother, dad and myself have been occupied with.  It's a very confusing thing, cancer is.  Where it is, where it's spread to, what one doctor says, what another doctor says (or doesn't!)  Appointments, waiting, results of tests.  Chemo, side effects, hemoglobin.  Every time i get the urge to blog-allowing my mind to focus on another topic-i get a call that sends my mood plummeting. I know it needs to be addressed, but i just can not handle a phone call from my dad talking about burial plots and what jewelry he wants to give me.  How can i talk about thrifting after that?  I can't. I can't talk at all. {EDIT-Right after i originally composed this post, my father went to the hospital and stayed for 4 days. Talk about a mood crashing call.}

What we were told about pancreatic cancer is that it doesn't go away, so there is no surgery and there is no cure.  My stepmom explained it along the lines of diabetes; it will always be there, he will always have it.  It just needs to be monitored and maintained.  As of his third chemo session, his team said that the mass has actually shrunk a little, which i know boosted my dad's mood and put him in a positive space despite the fevers and chills and nausea.  He was also told that as long as he feels ok and his bloodwork is good, they can go on their Aruba vacation...and speaking of vacation, you know i just got back from mine.  It had been the least anticipated vacation ever, with all this going on, but it actually made it even more like an escape. I promise there will be pictures.  Probably more than you'd like to see.

I really can't thank you enough, my friends, for your comments and emails of support.  Often times they really were the brightest part of my days and i truly appreciate them.  I'm feeling better, in a good space for now, and i hope to be back to regular blogging.  Thanks for hanging in there with me.

23 comments:

Carol said...

Thoughts and prayers for your family and your dad. Glad you got to get away.

Michelle said...

Sending good thoughts to you and your family!

Firefly said...

Prayers and good thoughts for your family.

Meg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Meg said...

I'll be sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Thank you for sharing with us...

Happy to have you back :)

Orange it Lovely said...

Hey girl (hugs) I am sorry your family going through this. Stay strong, you will need each other most.
Tana

Tys said...

I was just thinking about you! Glad to see you post. Sorry, it wasn't for the best of reasons and that you all are going through the tradegy of cancer :(

I think it you talk about it (or something totally not it) a little at a time, it might not seem so overwhelming.

Big Hugs!

Linda @ A La Carte said...

You know I am here for you anytime you need someone to talk to. You and your family have been in my prayers. Glad things are better. Big Hug to you!

Lana said...

So sorry to read this about your father. You are handling it as well as anyone can expect you to. Take each day one at a time and look at each one as a gift. That is all any of us truly have. Hugs to you and looking forward to your vacation stories!

⚜ ↁℯℬℬᴵℰ⚜ said...

Girl....I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. What can one say in this case? It's hard, I have seen it when working for an oncologist and of course my own family some having cancer. It just sucks, and you have to stay positive, I am betting your Dad wants it that way for you! XO

⚜ ↁℯℬℬᴵℰ⚜ said...

One more thing, as I was leaving your page, I looked at your bright smile in your profile picture, it is very infectious in case you never were told that:) Pass it on to your Dad!~ I am betting it will brighten his day. THat pic is adorable btw of you and him!

Kara said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your Daddy-O. I'm glad that you got to take an escape from it all. It is hard to do the day-to-day tasks with news like that...it just seems to make a lot of other things seem insignificant. But don't forget to take time for yourself to enjoy things you love to do too...I'm positive your Dad wants you to be happy too! When you're happy, there's more of your happiness to spread to him!!

Thinking about you...

Comeca Jones said...

Praying for you.

Erin said...

Oh hon! I'm so sorry to read this! You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I lost my mom and dad both to cancer. I wish they could find a cure for this horrible disease!

Jill said...

Welcome back! Glad you had a good break. My thoughts are with you!
Look forward to the holiday piccies!!

Kerry said...

I know how hard it is to get news like that about my parent... and I'm glad to read that the mass has shrunk. I hope things only continue to look up for your father and your family. I'll be thinking of all of you! xx

Devonay said...

I knew it must be something bad and that you'd share when you were ready, but I was so hoping that it wasn't something like this. It's a difficult diagnosis. You and your family will be in my thoughts and in my prayers. Sending hugs and love your way.

Marelie said...

Hello,it is such a difficult time of your life.I hope you and your family will spend magical moments being together no matter how painful it is.Wish you all the best and for your Dad to recover.Cancer took away my Father-n-law and we have a good relationship.

Rachel said...

(Sorry I am a little slow in responding!) I just wanted to let you know your dad, you and your family will be in my prayers!

【ツ】 ⒶⓃⓃⒺ 【ツ】 said...

I really have no words, as I've gone through cancer with my Dad a few years back. What I can share with you...is courage. My heart goes out to you.

Sharon @ Elizabeth & Co. said...

I am keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers!

SavannahGranny said...

I am praying for you and your family. I deeply regret that all of you are going through this heart wrenching time. I know you are already doing this but just love one another. Each of you will need special support at different times but I know you will be there for one another. There are many friends out her in blogland who are by your side praying for you. Ginger:)

Handy Man, Crafty Woman said...

Hugs to you!!