Wednesday, December 28, 2011

2011-A Rehashing

2011. 

Things started off strong this past year, in terms of home improvement tweakings.  A Christmas gift from the boyfriend prompted our master bedroom to receive the paint it had been waiting 3 months for.  You see, in October 2010 for my birthday, all i wanted was the bedroom to be painted.  I even bought the paint.  You read that right...for my birthday...I bought the paint. My gift was going to be not actually doing the painting myself, and we'd finally quit treating the whole upstairs as an afterthought.



Turned out to be one of my most popular posts.  Warning, if you click through, you will be singing Boy George the rest of the day.

Then i got the strong urge, and better decorating ideas since i'd been doing this whole blog thang, to de-brownify the living room.  Let's enhance the light blue, and finally, embrace the chevron craze.  I also saw napkins in a whole new way.





I felt it was time to grow the blog, as we were now celebrating our one year blogiversary.  Shout out to my bloggy friend Jill for twisting my arm.  The summer would bring additional guest posts and a facebook page (which i still find pointless).

But the biggest blow in 2011, and that which defined my entire year, was my father's diagnosis of the bastard known as pancreatic cancer.  I could barely post, and when i did, it was random crap.  I just couldn't spend energy composing some witty or amusing commentary when i was in hell.  Nor was I in the mood to do anything terribly creative.  There are literally less than half the posts than in the previous year, and this was after proclaiming i was going to "grow the blog."

We pretended everything was going to work out, and went to Spain for a much needed 2 week reprieve from thinking.  It worked, but made it all the more depressing to come home and know what we were having to face.





I posted this in August when things were getting bad and i didn't want to think, but didn't want to not blog either.  We had actually gone on the trip back in April, so for time line purposes it falls here.

Taking to the outside of our home, we got rid of the mudpit!  I think S did a fabulous job here, considering we spent so much of the summer at my dad's house. 



On August 25th, 2011, barely over 4 months ago, my father passed away.  Devastated.  Still devastated.



That's me as a happy little girl celebrating Chanukah.  Much different than how i viewed this holiday season, the first holidays and birthdays without him all occurring in these recent months.

Because of that, i hardly decorated for my favorite time of year, Halloween and Autumn. 



Just a used car lot for Autumn and winter whites and snowflakes now.



That brings us to the end of the year, and the beginning of a new one in only a few days.  As much as i want this year to be over and done with (as my family also lost my step pop-pop), it is truly unimaginable that now, year after year after year, will be years spent without my father. And for that, honestly, i don't want this December to come to an end. 

But.  There's nothing i can do about that.  I just hope that 2012 brings us, and you, my friends and readers, a drastically different and positive year.  Thanks for sticking with me.

32 comments:

Linda @ A La Carte said...

I think you have hung in here after such a devastating year. It does get 'easier' as time passes but you will always have those moments when you will miss your Dad sooooo much! Hopefully time to find a little peace as the new year approaches. Sending you big hugs sweet girl. Linda

Lisa said...

I can't imagine how hard it must be to go through such a devastating experience. I wish you the best in 2012.

Morgan said...

I am so sorry to hear about your father. I know that's so incredibly painful. I feel so much sympathy for you and your family because my own father passed away from pancreatic cancer when I was 16. He was diagnosed in March and passed away less than two months later in May. I still find it really hard to talk about and have trouble sharing that part of my life with people because it feels like no one will understand.

It's just such a hard thing to go through. I'll be thinking about you and your family.

Lakeshore Cottage Living said...

Well, first I want to say thank you for posting on my blog today but not for the compliment...so that I could read your post today... My mother died of pancreatic cancer almost 11 years ago on Feb. 8th. She lasted 6 months and was basically a lab rat for scientists in Houston near the end. She was a nurse and wanted the doctors to keep her alive long enough to get as much testing done on the cancer as they could...she stuck it out as long as she possibly could and then it was just too much...the cancer just seemed to consume her and she was gone...I still cry. 11 years and I still sit and cry. I missed her more this year than some years in the past...maybe because I am getting ready to turn 40? who knows...I know she is no longer in pain and is cancer free now in Heaven and I praise God for that. But I miss her...

I will pray for you...and I am here if you ever need someone to "talk" to. Hugs from across the miles. Kristine

Paula said...

I hope that 2012 will be a much better year for you.

Mikalah said...

Wow, what a hard year! I can't imagine how difficult that would be to lose your dad like that. =( I hope that this next year brings a lot of healing and hope for you.

DecorandtheDog said...

Sorry 2011 wasn't so stellar for you! Let's hope 2012 will bring better things your way!

Jane@Cottage at the Crossroads said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your father. The pain will get a little better, but you will always miss him. My dad died 35 years ago, and I still think about him and miss him. Hope 2012 will be a better year for you.

The Boston Lady said...

I am so sorry about the loss of your father, especially to such a cruel disease. I hope your happier memories of him will sustain you and carry you through this time of grief and the year of "firsts" that lies ahead. My dad and mother died a year apart 2002 and 2003 respectively. This time of year always holds a little sadness in me as I remember the holidays we spent that were so happy together. I have found that posting about my mom and dad on their birthdays brings back many happy memories and reminds me that although it was tough for them at the end, they did have a wonderful life.

May 2012 bring you some peace and much to be happy about.

Ann

Devonay said...

I say kudos to you for even getting one post out. I didn't have my blog when I lost my Mom. It has taken five years to get to a point where I feel like I can go on without her. I don't want to, but I am. I miss her every day. I would never be one to say it gets easier... it's just a different kind of mourning. It's not as cruel as the beginning where you wake up every morning and have to remember all over again. Just know that you are not alone. You have family, friends (especially the bloggy kind!) that think the world of you. I'm so glad to count you as a friend!

Sharon @ Elizabeth & Co. said...

I'm so sorry that this has been a difficult year for you. Wishing you brighter days in 2012!

Orange it Lovely said...

(hugs)I know it was a hard year for you and I hope you found a peaceful place when thinking of your dad!
Maybe this year we can meet up?? lol
Tana

Cindy@OldTimePickers said...

So sorry to hear about your dad. May you find peace and comfort with your precious memories of him.

Crystal @ Ordinary Days said...

Wow, that was hard to even read, much less live through. What a sweet, special picture. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

The Corson Cottage said...

So sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I know how sad your soul must be, moving through your year of firsts without him. I lost my Dad 3 years ago to his battle with lung cancer. It was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever endoured. May you find treasures in the memories of your Father. Trust your soul does heal but never forgets. ~ Carrie

Rachel said...

I am so sorry about your father! I pray that you may find comfort and peace in this new year! *HUG*

P.S. I found your decorations simplistically refreshing! Much better than some of the crazy over- the-top decorated spaces! :)

Oonafey said...

I'm not really sure what to say. I've never lost a parent, or even a grandparent, for that matter. I cannot possibly fathom the pain you are in and have gone through. I hope that the situation becomes easier to live with and you are able to look past the hurt and see the joy he brought you.

Barb said...

I felt so sad reading this. I'm so sorry for your loss. You have done a very good job of keeping your blog going, I can tell - I really enjoyed this post.

Dusty Coyote said...

What sweet and honest comments. Cancer sucks! I'm so sorry for what you went through and are going through. I also lost my dad to cancer. You will smile again.

Chance @ Designed by Chance said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. One and a half years after my own father's death it still hurts. Reading your blog I am reminded that you can have a great blogger community without being a perfect, and frequent, blogger.

Brandi said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your father. I lost both of my parents before I turned 30. It doesn't get easy. We just learn how to cope. I hope you find comfort amongst your family and friends. May the memories of your dad and your time together bring you peace. Take care...

Carrie said...

I'm so sorry. My uncle was diagnosed with the same cancer two days before our family reunion, and he passed away 3 months later. It was horrible. Your photo of your dad brought tears to my ideas and I don't even know him; he just seems like a great person and wonderful dad. I wish you the best on your journey through your first full year without him. I've had similar plans to grow my blog and life inevitably gets in the way. Maybe 2012 is our year?

Thanks for linking up to my Favorite Post party.

Carrie said...

You've been featured:

http://makinglemonadeblog.blogspot.com/2012/01/so-far-2012-stinks-and-refresh-your.html

Abbie said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad! What a rough year!

Wishing you all the best in the new year. I pray that you are able to heal (as much as possible) soon!

Thanks SO much for linking up your posts @ Feature Friday Free-for-All!

~Abbie (www.fivedaysfiveways.com)

Barbara said...

Oh I read your post and it brought me to tears. I know that pain you are feeling. In November of 2010 I lost my brother-in-law of 20 years to lung cancer. My poor sister was devastated...a widow at 44. I didn't blog or decorated or even run for months after his death. The first year without Charlie was so diffcult for everyone who knew and loved him.

You'll find your way back to happiness...it's hard at first but you will. Right before Charlie died he told my sister "It will be good for you again." And it is getting a little better with each passing day.

I wish you the best in 2012...may it be a year of healing for you.

Shannah @ Just Us Four said...

My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine losing my father. I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling over that loss. Hugs to you.

classic • casual • home said...

So sorry about your father. Bet he was proud of you.

Renee C said...

So sorry for your loss. What a tough year... :(

Clara @ Monkey Doodles said...

Thanks for stopping by today and checking out the beast. ;) I enoyed flipping through your blog a bit. Following you and believing 2012 has great things in store for you!

Chris said...

Hi there, I so sorry that you had such a devastating year and I'm hoping that 2012 will be a wonderful year of renewal and refreshing your spirit. It's always so hard losing a loved one. I lost my second husband just a week before Christmas eight years ago from renal cancer. Tough times. Chin up kiddo. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.com/

Lauren said...

I'm so sorry to hear the news about your dad. Hang in there! My Mom has had dementia for almost 8 years now. It's gotten to the point where she doesn't recognize me anymore and she has no quality of life left. I know how hard it can be to lose a parent- I feel that I have lost my Mom although she is still alive.. but she's not my Mom anymore. I'm here if you need to talk.

Lori said...

Aww-such a touching post. First of all, let me say how incredibly sorry I am about your dad. I was super close to my grandfather, and nearly five years after his passing I'm still missing him so much. And like everyone says, it does get easier, although it takes quite some time.

But on a lighter note--oh, the bird picture in your bedroom? LOVE IT! Adorable.